too bad you live with your parents still
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
