I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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