if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
