yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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