I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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