just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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