She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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