I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
