He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
