Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
God, I missed his penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
