real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
