I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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