is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
