just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
