You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
