Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
