hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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