i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
