my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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