well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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