we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
