I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
