My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
