My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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