And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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