the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
