every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
