I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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