I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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