I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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