I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
