Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
