she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We left an ass print on the piano.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
