too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
