just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
