need another drink. this is the easiest way
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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