and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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