hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
