From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
