I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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