i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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