I think my vagina is haunted
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dignity is for republicans.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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