All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
