I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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