So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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