You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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