well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
