so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
