you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
