Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
