Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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