party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
