Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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