I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
