i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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