hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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